Things Tourists Say While Climbing the Duomo

—Whew, I need a break. These steps are too deep! What were they thinking? They had much shorter steps at the Notre Dame. Now they knew how to build churches.

—463 steps? Oh, is that all? For a second I thought you were going to say 464—now that’s where I draw the line.

—You know what they need in here? A big fan.

—They shoulda put some more windows in this thing. And not these dinky ones either.

—On second thought, flip-flops may not have been the best choice.

—Oh, no. You go right on ahead of us. We’re old and don’t have quite so many stairs where we’re from.

—Well then whoever wrote your stupid guidebook has never been on a StairMaster.

—I can’t believe this costs €8. They should pay me to climb up here!

—€8 and they don’t even give you a paper fan! How do you say el rip off in Italian?

—I’ll never complain about our four-story walk-up ever again, honey, I promise.

—We made it, finally! Fresh air! Omigod omigod omigod fresh air! Feel that, honey? Feel that fresh air?

—Yeah it’s a nice view up here but it’s a little cramped. They could have built it out a bit more.

—Michelangelo could have maybe put a couple of chairs or a bench out here, too, while he was at it.

—How do you know that’s our hotel? All the rooftops have orange tile.

—Oh, this really was all just to walk around this dome outside. I thought there’d a be a gift shop up here or something.

—Pee-yew I’ve never sweat so much! I think me ‘n Hank are gonna have to make a pitstop at the hotel for a shower after this or else we’re gonna be eating our appertivo o solo mio tonight.

—Do you have service? I want to check in on FourSquare. This had better unlock a really freakin’ good badge.

—Harry Potter Wizzurds 4-EVER!! Look at that guys! Someone wrote Harry Potter up here on the outside of the Duomo! Hey, get a picture of me where it says Wizzurds.